What are you listening to?

I wish I was more of a man  

Have you ever felt that way  

And if I had to tell you the truth  

 I'm afraid I'd have to say  

 That after all I've done and failed to do  

 I feel like less than I was meant to be

I started to believe the lie again.  It always happens, right after I learn of someone else's pregnancy.  The lie socks me right in the stomach and tells me that I'm Defective.  Abnormal.  A broken body, not even able to perform one of the most basic functions a woman should be able to perform, one that makes her a woman.  I can't conceive and carry a child within me, therefore I'm less than who I was meant to be.   And I might always be this way.

What if you could see yourself  

Through another pair of eyes  

What if you could hear the truth  

 Instead of old familiar lies  

And what if you could feel inside  

 The power of the Hand that made the universe  

You'd realize... 

So I started praying to hear the Truth.  The truth about who I am, who God made me to be, and how He sees me.  The truth about what my purpose is.  And in His infinite faithfulness and patience, He reminded me:

• I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made  (Ps. 139:14)
• He, himself, put all my parts and pieces together in my mother's womb - and He is in complete control of which ones function correctly and which ones don't  (vs.13)
• I'm not so small or insignificant or dysfunctional that He's forgotten what He made  (Matt. 10:29-31)
• I am serving His greater purpose now, because I am uniquely qualified to bring His love to other women suffering with infertility
• He will always provide me with comfort, often through the same women I'm serving

My God loves me, and you, so much!  As soon as I started to ask Him to remind me of all these things, He did - before I'd even finished speaking the words!  The words printed in italics are lines taken from one of the many songs declaring God's awesomeness.  This song isn't about infertility.  It's bigger than that.  But as He so often does with song, God used it to meet me where I am.  I hope it encourages you wherever you are today.

...He made the lame walk  

And the dumb talk  

He opened blinded eyes to see

 That the sun rises on His time  

Yet He knows our deepest desperate need

And the world waits 

While His heart aches 

 To realize the dream

I wonder what life would be like 

  If we let Jesus live through you and me

What Life Would be Like by Big Daddy Weave

Let the scrambling begin!

Last week I prayed hard about how annoying I should become to my adoption agency.  I've talked to quite a few adopters, past and present, and they've each said it's good to be pro-active and call when you don't know what's going on.  Or even if you do know.  You want them to remember you and keep working hard for you.  (I've done a fair job at this so far, probably more like medium-active).  So I thought about what they said ... hoped I wouldn't have to do it ... and then finally decided I'd take action this week if there was still no word.

Monday passed and nothing happened.  Tuesday, I was touched in my core by the response and spontaneous prayer of one of my students and her sister.  As I was telling her mom that we'd decided to adopt, my student immediately said "I'll be praying!"  Not 3 seconds later, her little sister shouted, "I said a little prayer for you right now!"  I don't know why, but it jogged my memory about how much the Lord values the prayers of His little ones...

...and I gained some courage.

That afternoon, I emailed Colleen at the agency, and spent a lot of energy trying to politely word an email asking "WHEN will we be able to set up this home study?!"  I promise it was not that obnoxious.  Waylon approved, and he's much better at being sensitive than I am - at least in this area ;) 

And wouldn't you know it, she emailed back that very afternoon, proposed a date for the study, and even said she's "looking forward to meeting" us ... and used a smiley face!  Thank you, Father, for once again paving this road for me. 

OUR HOME STUDY IS NOW SET FOR OCT. 21ST! 

Let the scramble begin.